wednesday was a nice day. cant actually remember the ins and outs of it. i worked. so nothing new there. i bought heat. ummm had chicken for tea then went to kateys...
... got there, listened to paolo, drunk red wine, smoked rollies and just had a good chat. was good. i love katey to bits. then phil joined us a bit later for more of the same. top night. nothing spectacular but i loved every second.
woke up this morning with a bit of a sore head. and a sicky a feeling in my tummy but i knew this wasn't due to alcomofrol. unfortunately. its d day for my life tomorrow. not going to write about it cos I'll get all stressy again but yeh. deep breath.
been speaking to mark all day again. and all last night. and just all the time really. its looking good so we'll see :) planning on spids again on sat so hopefully n might be there so i can at least chat with him again and see if i still think i like him.
its all crazy times at the minute and more bad crazy than good so i just 'pray' for some guidance and a bit of good luck.
peace out x
VOTE GREEN!
Thursday, 4 June 2009
Tuesday, 2 June 2009
tuesday
could not get up this morning. my distractions keeping me awake :) not that im complaining. i think a combination of my permanent smile and the repeat of yesterdays fit weather got me through today. work was boring as per usual but i did get a fair amount done. im just glad i have mark to text. today was kinda groundbreaking. i feel we've got even closer. hmm. goodtimes.
i decided to go running this evening. badtimes. my legs have completely gone, i have a headache and i feel like my lungs have been stuck to my chest then scraped off a few times. maybe i'll do that gay power walking thing until i get used to it again. dog seemed to enjoy it anyway.
im tired now. nothings changed on the boy front. still got nick on my my mind but the more i talk to mark, the more i want him. i'll see what happens. pete popped in my head again today. didnt really need that. although i think im okay about it now. just a blip.
night x
i decided to go running this evening. badtimes. my legs have completely gone, i have a headache and i feel like my lungs have been stuck to my chest then scraped off a few times. maybe i'll do that gay power walking thing until i get used to it again. dog seemed to enjoy it anyway.
im tired now. nothings changed on the boy front. still got nick on my my mind but the more i talk to mark, the more i want him. i'll see what happens. pete popped in my head again today. didnt really need that. although i think im okay about it now. just a blip.
night x
Monday, 1 June 2009
monday
so last night i went to bed with the intention of getting up an hour early to jog before work. ha! didn't happen. but not through lack of trying. what do they say? the road to hell is paved with good intentions. well hell's looking nearer by the day so hopefully tomorrow, good intentions will fight back and conquer. hopefully. I've set my alarm for six thirty so if i can be up and out by seven i can be back home and showered ready to walk to work at half eight. lovely stuff. especially if the weather's as fit as it has been this weekend. i don't know what it is about the sun that makes everything seem okay. vitamin d perhaps. or maybe its all the beer i drink whilst enjoying it in a beer garden? hmm. smile.
so today, except my set back regarding the jogging, and, even though i knew i had to work, was set to be FABULOUS. ahh. I'm feeling all tingly just typing. Paolo, Paolo, Paolo... you've done it again you beautiful, beautiful man. i cant remember looking forwards to anything this much in a while. it was a different kind of excitement to other things. yes, i was looking forwards to mutiny, looking forwards to exams being over, I'm already looking forwards to Christmas. but all these things are regular things. sunny side up, you aren't. it's been a good couple of years since we last sampled Paolo's wares, and today i finally got a new taste of my man. as it were. the album is fucking brilliant. thanks to my good friend Mr h, me, berry and hippyspice had already heard a little taster and i don't mind admitting I've regularly paused life to catch twenty seconds of candy if its been on a music channel or on the radio, but now i can listen to it whenever i want, and probably on repeat. yep yep. sex.
mm. give me a second.
so yeah the rest of the day has been okay i guess. in the grand scheme of all work-related things. scanner didn't jam too much, i got through a hefty pile of accounts files. go me. the window was open so i could at least have a little sense of the lovely weather outside even if i couldn't be sat in the garden enjoying it. the trees are looking gorgeous. i think its about time i got out with my sketchbook before i miss out and it rains again. the day passed pretty quickly thanks to a new distraction. smile. i may get round to typing up some previous entries from my diary which would explain the full story of mark and where he appeared from but i cant be bothered right now. he's a lovely guy. i feel like I've known him forever which is freaking me out a little and I'm worried i could fall for him but I'm keeping my guard up a little still. just in case. I've been here before and honestly, it's never been a happy ending so I'm not holding my breath. nothing personal to him with that last statement because he seems genuine and amazing. too good to be true perhaps? eek. scary stuff but I've been secretly smiling for days now. thank you :)
that nicely leads me on to the man trouble bit. why can i never have it straight forwards? ha. so he's still in the picture. nothing much has changed unfortunately. there seems to be some kind of word changer I'm not aware of between what i say and his brain. I've tried so many times to tell him to chill out and leave me be, or at least knock it down a notch or two but the message just isn't getting through at all. it sucks. biiiiigtime. we were good friends before it get to this and i just want to go back to that. i really don't think of him in the same way he thinks of me. not at all really. i thought i did but other outside factors have shown me i don't. sad times. I'll really, truly miss him if he goes out of my life. but then i guess the world will keep on going. just a bit slower without him. hmm. man trouble number two: spiders boy. could he have been the love of my life? maybe, just maybe. but i fear I'll never know now. fucking alcohol and my tardiness. when i think about it there aren't a lot of reasons why it wouldn't work. and there are fucking ton why it would. but will i ever see him again? that's the fucking million dollar question. and right now, its not looking hopeful. perhaps i should concentrate my attention on mark. he could be something special. who knows. I'll let it play out a bit longer before i go either way.
my brains starting to go a bit and I've somewhat greyed my sunny sky mood so I'm going to put Paolo on and take a load off. if anything else crops into mind, I'll update this beauty before i go to bed.
tori x
so today, except my set back regarding the jogging, and, even though i knew i had to work, was set to be FABULOUS. ahh. I'm feeling all tingly just typing. Paolo, Paolo, Paolo... you've done it again you beautiful, beautiful man. i cant remember looking forwards to anything this much in a while. it was a different kind of excitement to other things. yes, i was looking forwards to mutiny, looking forwards to exams being over, I'm already looking forwards to Christmas. but all these things are regular things. sunny side up, you aren't. it's been a good couple of years since we last sampled Paolo's wares, and today i finally got a new taste of my man. as it were. the album is fucking brilliant. thanks to my good friend Mr h, me, berry and hippyspice had already heard a little taster and i don't mind admitting I've regularly paused life to catch twenty seconds of candy if its been on a music channel or on the radio, but now i can listen to it whenever i want, and probably on repeat. yep yep. sex.
mm. give me a second.
so yeah the rest of the day has been okay i guess. in the grand scheme of all work-related things. scanner didn't jam too much, i got through a hefty pile of accounts files. go me. the window was open so i could at least have a little sense of the lovely weather outside even if i couldn't be sat in the garden enjoying it. the trees are looking gorgeous. i think its about time i got out with my sketchbook before i miss out and it rains again. the day passed pretty quickly thanks to a new distraction. smile. i may get round to typing up some previous entries from my diary which would explain the full story of mark and where he appeared from but i cant be bothered right now. he's a lovely guy. i feel like I've known him forever which is freaking me out a little and I'm worried i could fall for him but I'm keeping my guard up a little still. just in case. I've been here before and honestly, it's never been a happy ending so I'm not holding my breath. nothing personal to him with that last statement because he seems genuine and amazing. too good to be true perhaps? eek. scary stuff but I've been secretly smiling for days now. thank you :)
that nicely leads me on to the man trouble bit. why can i never have it straight forwards? ha. so he's still in the picture. nothing much has changed unfortunately. there seems to be some kind of word changer I'm not aware of between what i say and his brain. I've tried so many times to tell him to chill out and leave me be, or at least knock it down a notch or two but the message just isn't getting through at all. it sucks. biiiiigtime. we were good friends before it get to this and i just want to go back to that. i really don't think of him in the same way he thinks of me. not at all really. i thought i did but other outside factors have shown me i don't. sad times. I'll really, truly miss him if he goes out of my life. but then i guess the world will keep on going. just a bit slower without him. hmm. man trouble number two: spiders boy. could he have been the love of my life? maybe, just maybe. but i fear I'll never know now. fucking alcohol and my tardiness. when i think about it there aren't a lot of reasons why it wouldn't work. and there are fucking ton why it would. but will i ever see him again? that's the fucking million dollar question. and right now, its not looking hopeful. perhaps i should concentrate my attention on mark. he could be something special. who knows. I'll let it play out a bit longer before i go either way.
my brains starting to go a bit and I've somewhat greyed my sunny sky mood so I'm going to put Paolo on and take a load off. if anything else crops into mind, I'll update this beauty before i go to bed.
tori x
blogging
i'm going to use this a little like a diary.
i'm not used to blogging. so this might not work out.
i must update this everyday. thats the rule. even if nothing exciting has happened.
tori.
i'm not used to blogging. so this might not work out.
i must update this everyday. thats the rule. even if nothing exciting has happened.
tori.
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